5 Ways You Should Be Rizzing Up Your Crush
The dating climate has evolved over the years, so it's hardly a surprise to learn that today's dating scene has undergone a Gen-Z upgrade in terms of modern dating slang and updated relationship labels (think the casual and commitment-free situationship and the unfortunate phenomenon known as penny dating.) Another popular addition to join the dating lexicon is "rizz" — short for charisma — which is essentially a rebrand for those with "game."
"Rizz seems to focus on a person's capability of having a particular unique charm that will appeal to potential romantic partners," dating and relationship expert Dr. Callisto Adams explained to the Toronto Sun. This doesn't necessarily refer to innate ability, but rather a sense of confidence and authenticity in how you conduct yourself while laying down your best moves. Therefore, stepping up your rizz can be a determining factor in successfully wooing your love interest. A lack of rizz can destroy any hope of a budding relationship between you and a potential love interest, so consider these five tips to boost your attraction and increase your chances.
Master unspoken rizz
The term "rizz" has established itself in everyday vocabulary to such an extent that it landed the title of Oxford's Word of the Year in 2023. With all the chatter surrounding this modern dating slang, it's curious that one of the core components of rizz does not involve the spoken word. Some people naturally possess unspoken rizz, meaning they exude confidence through physical presence alone. For instance, someone who carries themselves with confidence and knows how to make the right amount of eye contact when talking to their crush demonstrates unspoken rizz. "It can be very attractive when the person you're talking to is looking directly into your eyes. This communicates they are a priority, despite other distractions," psychologist Michele Goldman shared with Verywell Mind.
Moreover, it's important to create a positive impression through inviting body language and thoughtful gestures. In other words, smile and signal your interest by avoiding traditionally closed-off gestures, like crossed arms. You can express your interest via authentic facial expressions and an inviting stance while still maintaining proper boundaries. This involves a great deal of self-awareness and awareness of others to ensure everyone remains on the same page. If the other person appears uncomfortable, act courteously and adjust your body language to make them feel more comfortable. In this case, it's helpful to learn basic physical cues to help you gauge the other individual's interest.
Get curious
Another way to rizz up your crush is to get them talking by asking questions, as communication is another basic component of a "rizz god." Posing general, open-ended questions communicates to your crush that you're interested in learning more about them. This stimulates mutual intrigue and, in conjunction with approachable body language, is a surefire way to keep your crush's attention. You can then take your flirting game another step further by trying to find common interests. "It becomes much easier to talk to someone when you find something that you have in common," Michele Goldman revealed to VeryWell Mind. "This leads to a more natural back-and-forth conversation, instead of one person doing more of the work. It also reduces anxiety when there's common ground."
This step requires you to be attentive and present during your conversations, so you can pick up on the topics that pique the other individual's attention and carry the conversation from there. And don't forget to nod along when it's their turn to talk to encourage them and show you care about what they have to say. Asking your crush deeper questions, in particular, endears you to them because it allows them to be vulnerable with the information they share with you. "Vulnerability fosters intimacy," sexologist Shan Boodram told Women's Health. "It can create a feeling of love between people who otherwise don't know each other, even within one conversation."
Don't be afraid to use pickup lines
While you shouldn't underestimate the effectiveness of a classic pickup line, you should also understand that not all pickup lines are equal. The success rate when risking a pickup line has to do, in part, with the person you're talking to, as not everyone appreciates a cheesy one-liner or generic statement. In general, it's best to keep it at one pickup line per interaction to avoid having your crush stand there smiling awkwardly as you spit line after line in an attempt to be alluring.
You'll want to adjust your rizz strategy based on the personality of the person you're trying to impress, toning it down for introverts and perhaps up for extroverts. In most cases, it's best to stick to a line that ends in either a cheeky or sweet compliment — as opposed to something overtly sexual or risqué — to play it safe. However, if you're sure the other person would respond well to a saucy remark, then by all means, lay it on them. Either way, try not to overthink the line itself and instead focus on being present, confident, and attuned to the other person's response. "Compliments, a light and decent sense of humor, and modest confidence are always welcome and will enhance your 'game' when it comes to pickup lines," Dr. Callisto Adams shared with Women's Health. Remember that the goal with these lines is to start up a conversation with your crush, so if they laugh and appear engaged, take it as a win.
Stay down to earth
Arguably, one of the most influential traits a person can use to their advantage is being down-to-earth. Confidence is key, but you don't want that to come across as having a superiority complex. "There is a balance you want to find with rizz," Michele Goldman explained (via VeryWell Mind). "You don't want to be over the top. Overly confident and cocky is not appealing to many, but you want to have a healthy level of confidence in yourself." Stay transparent in your words, actions, and intentions beneath your confident front, as this is immeasurably more attractive than insecurity-fueled arrogance.
Being down-to-earth also involves being genuine — an underrated social skill that even the most extroverted individuals struggle to emanate when flirting with a romantic interest. That said, most people can tell the difference between authentic and forced expression, so beginning an interaction with a disingenuous smile sparks immediate mistrust and wariness. As such, learning how to bring authenticity to your game will elevate your natural charm. In a conversation, this involves remaining honest in the information that you share and avoiding behavior that creates a false impression. You don't want to lead the other person on with superficial charm and encourage them to see you through rizz-colored glasses.
Make them laugh
Humor goes a long way when it comes to attracting a partner, as licensed psychologist Wyatt Fisher, PsyD, confirmed to Cosmopolitan: "The more we laugh with someone, the more we are drawn to them." But there is a right and wrong way to go about it, and it's all in the delivery of the joke. While sharing a joke or funny anecdote is a great way to break the ice and lighten the vibe, it's possible to make things worse depending on how you carry it out. To demonstrate strong rizz, keep your tone playful and your jokes tasteful, or as relationship and etiquette expert April Masini told Global News, go for "charm and chuckle" rather than dark or edgy humor. Watch out for signs of discomfort or boredom and adjust the theme of your jokes depending on the other person's response.
On another note, avoid self-deprecating humor, as this interferes with your goal of exuding confident and self-assured energy. Similarly, try not to totally dominate the conversation with jokes. It also helps to learn the other individual's sense of humor and tailor your jokes to suit their tastes.
While using rizz to pursue a romantic interest sounds complicated, it's a simple matter of practice and experience. Remember that it has nothing to do with looking a certain way or putting on an act. Instead, becoming a rizz god is more about building your confidence, learning how to read cues, and projecting the best version of yourself to the person you're interested in.